september 8th 

do emotions or logic make you tick? what do you first notice about people?


who or what do you first think about when you first open your eyes and take that conscious inhale in the morning? 

why do you stay up at night?

do you really believe that God has a plan laid out for you and you can’t mess it up? 

have you ever watched a plant grow and bear fruit and die and learned lessons from it?

have you ever sat under a tree and felt it’s comfort?

have you ever felt music while on a beach and you *desperately* wanted to run with complete abandon and dance, no matter who was there? did you regret later that you didn’t do it?

does a tomato smell red to you too? 

have you ever had so many thoughts and questions and FEELINGS and the desire to yell and also hide and shrink and grow and stomp in a dance and cry without caring, to go and run fast and dodge blows and feel adrenaline all AT ONCE rushing through your body so hard and overwhelmingly, that you simply sit there and listen to the person talking to you and shake? Or stare out the car window like nothing is actually happening?

do you like small talk or big talk? 

are you content with just feeling? or do you crave intensity? 

do you actually want to KNOW what people are thinking and how they process things and what their response is to different situations? what type of food they like? And why? 

what does their grandparents house smell like?

Mine smells like old wood and their laundry detergent and antique furniture and my grandpa’s hugs. 

how long can you spend with your grandparents before you get tired or they stop talking? 

did they pass down things to you? I inherited my grandpa’s love of writing (he was a Seattle Times reporter), my grandma’s love of gardening, good food, and collecting cardboard boxes so you have just the right box for whatever needs it. 

do you sit up late at night and look through your photo roll on your phone and relive every memory and choice there and come up with questions and curiosity?  

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V. 1 

Nighttime 
Life line

Thoughts breaking out of daytime boxes 

Floating into the comforting layer of velvety dark 

Moonlight sifts through the branches

Softly 

Silently 

Kissing the ground that rests and the dreamers who don’t sleep 

The world deeply slumbers yet is 

Vibrantly awake 

Flowers blooming for the moon, moths being nocturnal butterflies

Restless hearts dancing or thinking. 

      Nighttime whispers to emotions that they can come out and play, that it has put up a filter, no one can see. And once they’ve been coaxed out, they confidently wander all over the mind. 

If daytime sees the typical life that we put up for show, perfect smiles and overly optimistic and matching instagram feeds, nighttime sees the raw, vulnerable side. 

Night sees heaving tears and aching chests, shredded hearts, sitting on the windowsill with tired eyes and a sick soul, maybe just feeling numb, screaming at the moon, dancing fiercely, pleading,  saying words to the stars that we’ll never ever tell the people we want to. 

  Night also sees earnest, intense thoughts. Dreams, sweet whispers, hands tentatively brushing as they stare at the stars, blushes hidden by dark. Small glances, long hugs underneath the porch lights, fireworks and celebrations. Eyes shining. Contentment. Long talks of getting to know people, wrapping in a blanket to protect from dew and wind to stare at the stars, laughs and laughs and laughs. 

I wonder

 at how when the sun and moon trade places, the world transforms in so many different ways. 

lately 

Life 
Goes 

On.
It’s been awhile since I was here last…What has been going on lately? My life has turned around in ways I didn’t expect a few months ago, but it is good and how life is. Sometimes you need a push to get onto the right track, and first you’re tripping, but  then you hit your stride and enjoy it after awhile. I got a pretty hefty shove, but those are needed sometimes, and I’m enjoying the challenges and stepping closer to God. 

     A piece of what’s been happening lately? Realizations, lessons, reminders, ponderings…

    • If you ask me what my favorite _____ is, I’ll probably tell you three or so favorites in that category that I have. I don’t have many things that are simply one specific favorite. I never realized that until this week. 

    • Headphones are amazing. I completely forgot about their existence, and how much more intense listening to music through them is. It’s glorious.

     • Pain will nudge you closer to God. Often times when I get comfortable in His blessings, and when life is going well, I forget that I’m puny and not in control at all in any way. Enter pain and reality checks, and switching the focus to where it’s supposed to be. I’m grateful God is patient and that He cares enough to give us opportunities to get our focus right again. 

    • You’re afraid of what you judge. 

     • Catering leftovers are still amazing, sunsets remind me of people in how they’re each different and beautiful in their own way, and manchengo cheese is thoughtful and has a beautiful texture. 

    • As Christians, we’re free from fear. We’re told not to worry, be anxious, or to fret, or to be concerned, or whatever other word you use in place of worrying. Literally told to NOT do that. To live in fear is a choice, and conveys that you don’t trust God. We. don’t. have. to. pick. up. fear. God is bigger. We can’t change anything, when it comes down to it, so why not trust and lift your face to God, rather than clenching your fists and fretting. Easier said than done, but I think worth working towards. 

    • Francis Chan. His words are a blessing. Go listen to some. The end. 

     • Gardening is amazing, satisfying, makes me think of long term planning AND short time planning, builds a surprising amount of muscle, discipline, management, nurturing… and you get food from it!! No downside. Go make yo’self a garden. It’s a metaphor of so many aspects of life. I love how often it’s in the Bible. 

    • You can have amazing gifts, but if you don’t use them, they’re useless. Hone your skills, improve, don’t be lackadaisical, keep growing. 

    • White tea is delicious. Pear flavored white tea is not, but pretty much any other flavor is. 

    • I haven’t been writing much at all this summer bc of distractions and not prioritizing it, so I’m rediscovering/creating my voice, and it’s squashed in between my factual writing style and my more whimsical poetic style, it’s like puberty for writing. Blarg. It’s humerous and odd and awkward,  but just a season, so it’s been cracking me up. 

    So there you go, my neglected followers, little random updates. 

-me