over and over and over again
God will tap my hands, so gently,
lift my chin to look up at Him from whereever I’ve been gazing off to,
and show me that I’m gripping something too tightly.
I hold my pen in a death grip, I tense up when I’m working on other people, forgetting to breathe unless I consciously tell myself to let go and let my shoulders drop. to inhale. exhale. let my hands soften.
I tend to operate in the ‘fight or flight’ mode more than I’d like to admit,
outwardly looking calm and grounded, possibly being quirky or amusing,
inwardly heart and head kicking me faster and faster, but giving me fast reflexes so hey.
I enjoy change. I like different things, plus change is a consistent thing and helps with growth. But sometimes God will give me something or point me in a certain direction, and instead of holding His hand or putting my head on His shoulder and letting Him bring me there in His time,
I get my little tunnel vision glasses on, lean forward, and speed walk in the direction all by my own self, where I try to wrap myself around that thing and forget to look at God, who gave that good thing to me. Or if it’s a trial, He wants to walk with me through it and I’m floundering all over the place trying to figure it out by myself.
That’s not how it’s supposed to be. It really, really does not work well.
Today, my heart rate has been all over the place and my breathing has been weird. Spiritual hangriness, rain, long thinking drives, and talking to God a lot.
He tapped my hands and lifted my chin.
He is so gentle. It brings me to tears.
He showed me I needed to let go of some things. I was confused for a few minutes, looked back for a moment, and let go.
And immediately afterwards?
Blessings and more peace than earlier.
He is always good. He knows better.
Open those hands.