10:47 9/18

L E A R N I N G

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it’s almost Autumn. The rains came back today, giving us more rain in a few hours than we’ve had in the past few months. Everything is more green but also dying at the same time.  I watched a sweet baby who pronounces my name “dracie”, and I love it, watching children can be really refreshing. A few trees are starting to change color and drop their leaves.  I’ve had a weird dread of this autumn since the first sunny days of the spring. Which was odd, because I normally like the changing seasons. I get the whole seasonal depression/vitamin D deficiency during the “cloudy” season here in WA, so maybe it’s that. It’s getting cold again too, and that’s never a thing I completely relish, as I’m almost always cold already.

L E A R N I N G

I hate seeing things die. Even if it’s needed and will be more beautiful later. In past years I’ve liked seeing the changes, but this year I’m really disliking it. Watching the trees change their colors and then drop their leaves, going to sleep. Retiring into the depths of their trunks and roots. I miss my trees. I miss the green. I miss the sunrays.

But it will all come again later. That much I’m certain, because we aren’t in Narnia. I’ll get to see the tree grow buds, unfurl them, watch the blossoms come out again, and that makes my heart happy.  Seasons are weird. They are strange. They aren’t all my most favorite. But they are necessary, and they have purpose.

L E A R N I N G

To hold my precious things with open hands, to hold them out to God and give them to Him, and trust that His plan is better than mine. Because it is! He is the creator of the universe who has intentionally created us down to the smallest detail, and who sees us. Who hears us. Who loves us so deeply. He isn’t angry at me, I don’t have to face His wrath. I haven’t figured out how to properly explain how my heart feels at that truth.

He has a purpose and a plan for everything in our lives, and I’m so grateful for that. Free falling to trust Him is easier if you’re keeping Him in your primary focus. He is wholly good.

L E A R N I N G

He is just. Growing up, I always took ‘just’ in the punishment sense, in that if you deserve to be punished, then you can bet you will be.  But it also means that when He makes promises to us, He’s going to carry out those promises. And you can completely count on it. He rewards, He makes promises to us, and we’re allowed to claim those promises and tell Him we’re looking for His rewards. He loves to reward, God is a generous God. It’s like giving a little kid who you love a present, and you get that really happy feeling at seeing their delight. I believe that’s how God may be. He wants us to want His gifts.

L E A R N I N G

Who I am, again. Finding Gracie. Grace. Elisabeth. Reading old journals and notebooks of mine. I hate cliches, unless I’ve had that moment where the cliche comes real to me.  I love sushi. I love hiking. I don’t like strong coffee. I love plants, notebooks, cozy blankets, watching stars and sunsets from mountains. I like mornings, I like late nights, I’m just not a “waking up” person.  I really don’t like arrogance in people. I really admire gratitude. I’m more like my dad than I realized I am, but still very much an INFP. I crave purpose and direction.

I love the color orange, and also blue. I will people watch whenever I can, and I’ll notice your eyes first, and then what your presence feels like. I collect different sized cardboard boxes so that I have just the right size for the purpose, apparently I inherited that habit from my grandma. I’m empathetic, it’s a blessing but also weird at times. I don’t really worry about what people think of me unless they’re a select few in my close circle, and even then I’m aware that people aren’t always going to get you, and it’s PERFECTLY ok if they don’t. You do you and listen to God. Put your focus in the right place. I love yoga, enjoy running if someone will force me to do it, and can now do three consecutive pull ups, which is three more than I could do last week.

I love growth. I admire trees a lot. I’m learning where God wants me to go in life.

He is good, so it is good, I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I’m content.

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Introductions

Since I’m working on starting up this blog again, I figured it was time to do an introduction, which I don’t believe I’ve ever properly done here.

My name is Elisabeth Grace Hacking, commonly called Gracie or Grace. I am 20 years old, a Christ Follower, an INFP, a licensed massage therapist, and also a nanny. I am the second oldest of 11 kids, ages 23-3, with three of them being from West Africa. It’s an adventure!

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I love citrus fruit, blankets, being on or in or around water, massage, bird feeding, reading, hiking and road trips, cannot spell “definitely” right on the first try to save my life (which is odd because I enjoy spelling.), I was born in California but have lived my entire life in western Washington, with rain and mountains and woods and tea.

I don’t tan, I burn, and am figuring out where God wants me in this season, and what He wants me to do. I feel a little lost right now, and that is one of the reasons I’ve decided to be more frequent at writing here. I love writing, always have and don’t intend to ever stop. I have many many notebooks, random poetry, and I don’t even know how many unfinished stories I have.

I’m dating the man who I’ve known since I was 10 and have had crushes on since then. He is tan and can talk to pretty much everyone and make them laugh, works harder  than pretty much everyone I know, loves adventuring and is a fantastic adventure buddy, and is also one of the most generous people I’ve ever met. He’s the best blessing I’ve ever had.  You’ll all probably be hearing lots about him in the future! ❤

There you have it readers, a little portion of who I am now put out on the internet, and hopefully you feel better introduced to me!

Blessings,

me

 

justice, the present, and earthen vessels

Today I woke up feeling burdened and off and not knowing why. Later I reasoned that part of it was due to talks the night before, and flashback emotions from other talks beforehand. The other part of me felt like I was mourning something, and I don’t know what or why. I just felt odd for a good portion of the day. I think part of it is just having a bunch of words and thoughts that I need to get out through writing.

Talking helps sometimes, but often I like to see my thoughts, and that helps me sort them out and process them. So what’s been in my mind these past few days? [This is in Gracie rambling thought format, if it doesn’t make sense that’s probably why]

God is Just. Wow. If something needs to be done, He’ll do it. If He makes a promise, He’ll keep it. If He says He’ll bless you, He will. If He says there will be consequences, there will be. If he says anything at all, He will follow up and carry out on what He said. Always. Every time. Being an inconsistent human, this blows my mind. He is so faithful, and knows exactly what is needed in every scenario, taking into consideration future and past implications. Therefore, if/when you sin, He says there will be consequences. You know there will be. The same for blessings. He always does what He says. Garden of Eden, bam, sin entered the world, and the curse came as He said.

We are living in a world that is steps removed from the original, a shadow, in a world that is under a curse, not what it should be, with people made in the image of God whose hearts have black streams of sin running through them. It’s like a fairytale, but it’s reality, not just a fable.

It was made beautiful, whole, He called it good. Perfection made by the master Artist. There were eyebrows and fresh water and purity. Animals with no fear, the total absence of evil, harmony, bodies that worked exactly how they were created to, sunlight streaming through branches and waterfalls to walk under and fresh fruit to bite into with juice running down your chin.


Enter

temptation,

weakness,

the Fall.

Enter death, separation, twisted souls, sickness, cancers and pain and angry tears and alcoholism, perversion of good and holy things, spiritual darkness, these evil, convoluted things that just show that this world is broken, and not as it should be, and there is absolutely no way for us to fix it, or to fix ourselves. Us with our broken, twisted, pleading, snarling hearts. Lost and bewildered, simultaneously wanting to wallow in the dregs of our sins, but also at the same time having that faint flicker that is terrified of what we’re doing and hoping hoping hoping that this isn’t all there is to life. That this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, that this isn’t all there is.

And it’s not.

Enter my Savior.

Taking my pain,

crucifixion,

redemption,

undeserved.

Because He loves me. And He actively want to know me. And me to know Him, and what He’s done for me. The God that made everything, who uses the world as a footstool and created atoms and fish and the Milky Way and galaxies and gasses and air and who knows what fire actually is and put together the Bombardier Beetle and the Okapi and volcanoes and knows the exact number of hairs on every single head of all 7.5 billion people on this Earth, who already knows what I’m thinking before I even think it, wants to hear me say it to Him.   [And you too. Just talk to Him. You don’t have to talk Christianese or grandly to speak to God.]

He doesn’t want to just read my mind, He wants me to talk to Him. To learn from Him, to tell Him whats going on in my life and to ask Him to show me His hand in life, He can do so many things, and I believe that He wants to show us that. We don’t pray big enough.

Do I think He’s too busy to hear me or to listen to me? No. To think that feels like limiting God to me. I’m pretty sure He can handle His creation.

This Love. My mind can’t wrap itself around it. I’m humbled. And grateful. So so grateful. Nothing like trying to comprehend the incomprehensible to put life back into perspective.

 

 

772 words so far, what else is on the brain?

2 Corinthians 4:16-18. Sitting on the rug yesterday I found verses that I haven’t read in a long time,

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

Holy smokes guys, sanctification. The struggle isn’t pointless, it’s a lesson. It’s for a moment in the grand scheme, we’re continually being renewed as we’re actively walking with Him, whether we realize it or not, as we can’t see things so far ahead. Refer to Ecclesiastes 3:11.

Also verse 7: “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.”

This makes sense. Anything “good” that I have ever done, was definitely not this despicable little heart that wants to hide away from people and take take take without giving. I have a very selfish heart. And that has been painfully revealed to me more and more recently…. big families and mothers are very good at revealing areas that need to be sanctified. 😉 By ourselves, we are silly little shells made of dust, who can do nothing. Just that, an earthen vessel. But God works through us… Wow.

 

And what else? Living in the here and now. I like to dream. I like to think ahead and look at the future and where I will be. I also tend to get tunnel vision and so focused on one thing I forget to look at the big picture. But I’m not in Spring 2018, I’m right here in Spring 2017. I’m living at home with my wonderful crazy family, with two great jobs, my person is 25 minutes away from me, with many many many blessings all around me in my life, and many transitions and learning curves. The future can worry about itself- I have to research massage zoning laws and sleep deprivation effects and food budgeting and what my Lord is trying to teach me right now. There’s always something.

You have to really be intentional and rejoice in where you are at each season, living each moment as intentionally as you can, because who knows how many seconds you have left? The moment may be hard, but someday you’ll look back maybe and understand why that had to happen in order to get you where you are today. Also attitude. Happiness is a learned habit. It is a choice, and no one else is responsible for your happiness. If you dump the responsibility of keeping you happy on someone, you will crush them. It’s all on you. Choose the joy. Write down things you’re grateful for. Gratitude is a great mood booster and perspective giver. Notice all of the little things. Make it a game.


Life is a really odd thing. It’s so short.

1,288 words.

That went much longer than I expected it to, and I feel better. If you’re still here, I thank you for your time and attention.

Blessings,

me

january things

well, it’s a new year, a new january, new things, and so far they’ve been pretty great.

These first few weeks have been full of new faces, learning new routines, aching wrists, earlyish mornings, yummy foods, adventures, late night talks, long walks, snapchat filters, laughs and after work cuddles, kombucha and kitchen floors, smelling like massage lotion and not being able to open things (thank you to my friends who open my grapefruits for me!), little sisters coming into my bed at 3 in the morning because they wanted to snuggle more, more Bible reading and getting into habits and routines that I’ve been working at.

I started two new jobs; one making use of my massage therapy license at a spa in Everett, and the second is nannying a sweet baby that’s a 90 second walk from my house. 🙂

Those have both been great, it’s been fun to work in massage again, nurturing and relaxing people through touch, watching stressed faces melt into smiles… it’s always funny to me, because halfway through the massage I have people flip from their stomachs onto their back, and I see their faces, and they look like an entirely different person than when they first got on the table… it’s caused quite a few double takes on my part.

also nannying. it feels like playing house, which makes me think of childhood and also the future all at once…

the future has always been a little daunting to me. Exciting, but daunting. I was always the kid that never wanted to grow up (but also wanted to get married, so I’m not sure what I was thinking.), who swore to myself I was too scared of driving to learn (turns out I love driving) and Peter Pan was one of my heroes. Turn out, God knows best and I’ve learned that He stands behind me and holds my hands like I hold a toddlers hands when they learn to walk.

The future could be scary. I could fret about it. I could fret about my future love dying, last hugs. I could dwell on thinking that I’ll be the last to die out of my loved ones. I could fret about being alone. I could fret about my siblings getting hurt. I could worry about everyone’s emotional health. Or, I could pray about it. God is trustworthy and has a plan.

The future could be joyful. I could find my person and raise our family and have pancakes on Sunday mornings and look at the stars and have big tickle fights. I could have many roadtrips and adventures with friends. I could have nights with people I love spent sitting on the kitchen floor with the lights off, talking about life and family and many other random topics. I could have sweet snuggles with little loved ones. There are far too many happy things to look foward to, it’s not even worth fretting about the bad ‘could be’s’.

It’s been a season of happy hearts, and it’s only the beginning of the year.

 

Peru- pt. 2

Along with the VBS’s, we worked on the church of the missionaries we were staying with and that our church supports. We cleaned, painted, swept, mopped, captured a baby tarantula (that we named Andrew. We weren’t allowed to bring him home. Wonder why…), built shelves and desks, reorganized the rooms and helped sort things, tried Peruvian snacks (fresh passionfruit is tasty and nicknamed “snotfruit” down there), did some maintenance work, and built some new bathrooms and did housework for some of the church members.


We prayed in this church, with our team and with the locals. Listening to passionate prayer in a language I don’t speak was a pretty incredible experience. You can feel the gratitude and longing even without understanding the words being said.


We worshiped in this church, learning familiar songs in an unfamiliar language, or singing while we worked.

We played with children in this church, whether during VBS, during church services, to keep the littles entertained while others worked on construction.

We laughed and ate meals and prayed and wept with each other in this church, and I am grateful to have gotten to be a part of it.


It’s funny, as we’d make plans, and then they’d completely change, and everyone would roll with it. You don’t find that in many teams, such flexibility, but we all kept it to some level, and I’m proud of them for it.

Along with the Tambo VBS, we had one in a sport court a few minutes walk from the church. We’d arrive and play music, and slowly children would trickle in, exchanging “buenas dias” with us. We’d do all the regular VBS activities, and play “Chapas” (tag), and some people would play soccer, and some would head over to the swings. They called us Tia or Tio, auntie or uncle, I was Tia Gracia.Still one of my favorites out of everything I’ve ever been called.


One of the kids in particular stuck out to me, Renzo. He was one of the giggliest, most talkative little children I’d ever met. He was one of the reasons I was most sad to not know the language. He look up at me, all aglow, and throw out some long thought, wait for me to nod in acknowledgement of hearing him, smile, and then either keep talking or turn back to listening to the VBS teacher. He would be shy for about 5 seconds at the beginning of each day, and then after that he’d be all about hugs and songs and games and talking. I miss him.

Along with all of our work and ministry things, we did get some exploring time in. We went and walked around Cusco a few times, and that’s a lovely city. Lots of cathedrals, and they are beautiful and hopeless. It’s neat, because the town and country where we were is very brown or tan, but people wear colorful clothing and have colorful textiles and paint and patterns, its a beautiful balance. We drank Peruvian coffee (it’s great, not too sweet)


We also did get to see Machu Picchu on our last day or so of being there! We hiked all around there, up to the Sun Gate (which some of us ran back down) and the Inca Bridge, saw many llamas, beautiful stonework, the Andes are mystic and inspiring.

Takeaways by then?

-The main one recorded in my journal at this time was the thought sparked by our leader’s teaching, that we are not to be quiet or stagnant in our growth or walk as a Christian. We are to share our faith, to spread the light, to be a river and not a reservoir. We have to either pick to live for God, or the world. You can’t be living fully for both, and lukewarm/mixed is not acceptable. Go full out or go home, it is a choice. One to be intentional about.


It’s been something I’ve been pondering lately. I knew when I started this trip that it would either be a one-time-good-experience-thing, or it would lead to more. So far I’m feeling that it may be the latter. But not sure yet. Lots to pray about.

-also, where our focus is to be. We are to set our minds on things above, not on earthly things. This verse helps me when I get too wrapped up in my limited perspective. Sure, I feel gross and dirty and my clothes do not match or look aesthetic and I’m worrying about that, but am I showing Christ’s love to others? Which one is going to last longer? Do the kids I’m playing with care? Do they see love through me? Am I really supposed to be worrying about what my peers think of me?  It’s kinda a trivial thing, and not saying that looks aren’t important, but as an example sometimes I get too wrapped up in the little things, verses having an eternal perspective.

Peru- pt. 1

Yesterday I got home from Peru.

It feels super weird to write that….it actually happened. I was there and now am home. I’m so grateful to have been able to go on this trip, I learned a lot and saw a lot, prayed a lot and laughed and cried and talked and played and listened. I am thankful and my heart is full.

I’m trying to find words to put down so that I can share this with you, but there’s so much and proving to be more difficult than I had anticipated, so bear with me as I section it out.I don’t want to forget things, so some of these posts might be novels… consider yourself warned..

After over 14 hours of travel, we arrived in Cusco, Peru. The elevation there is over 11,000 feet, so when we got off the plane some of us felt like we had stepped off of a boat, the ground felt shaky. There were also lots of very chapped lips and headaches and nosebleeds over the first week or so as our bodies adjusted.


There was culture shock! Spanish was being spoken everywhere, the weather would change from thunderstorms to sunshine rapidly, there were very few trees (this PNWesterner was a bit taken aback by that), household habits were different… but it was all interesting and good.

We met our host and his family, the missionary and his family, learned about drinking coca tea for elevation sickness, and a while after went to the church for service. This was the church we would be working at for the time we were here, so it was fun to see, and I was surprised by the friendliness and joy of everyone there. In my journal it says that I had wished I studied Spanish more, and I had that thought quite often through the entire time.


Later we had the devotional and meeting for the night, talking about being purposeful and intentional. James 1 says to count it all joy WHEN we have various trials, not if. So when these trials come, let us be purposeful to rejoice. Let us have purposeful prayer. Let us examine these purposeful trials. Because honestly, God already knows what’s going to happen and has a plan. In every aspect.

The end.

There’s no need to fret about it, just listen to Him and see what He’s trying to teach you.

Afterwards we explored Cusco a bit, there are soooo many stairs, legs for days. We saw a beautiful cathedral, so much intricate artwork, but it’s so empty and hopeless at the same time.

The next morning was spent working at the church, cleaning and organizing, and we got quite a bit done, which felt great.


Afterwards we got into a bus and drove to where our first VBS location is in a village called Tambomachay (TAM-boe-ma-chai), just to see the work being done there and to meet any kids who were around. We prayed over the area, awkwardly hung around for a few minutes, made friends with a tethered lamb and dogs (that we apparently aren’t supposed to pet because of germs and such) then the kids started coming. We exchanged names in stumbling Spanish and they played hand clapping games, which some of us joined in on, which then led to us showing them Quack-Dilly-O-So, which then led to us all playing Duck Duck Goose, which here was called Pato Pato Oveja (Duck Duck Sheep). Not sure how we got sheep, but whatever works… When they got tired of that some of the girls were trying to talk to me, saying  what sounded like “chapas”, and eventually we figured out that meant tunnel tag, so we played that for a good long time. Funny how much you can communicate even with a language barrier. I showed them how to make birdcalls with your hands, tried to talk a little with my meager spanish vocab, and they giggled at it quite a bit.


We were with this group of kids for 4 days, and they were the ones that were hardest for me to leave. They were so hungry for hugs, touch, love, to be listened to. We had tickle parties and snuggle piles and big hugs and they’d all pile into my lap or hold onto my back or arms so I could swing them around, they’d tap on my face and make funny noises and braid my hair and sit on my feet and hold my hand and show me things they found. So much laughter and love for and with them. Later in the week we’d do crafts and sing and dance with them, I learned quite a few more words through asking them (“que es…?”) and they’d laugh when I mispronounced it, and tell me the right pronunciation. I showed them how to blow kisses and they showed me hand clapping games.


It hit me how big God’s love is with them.

He loves me at home in Washington, and everyone there. Then I travel down thousands of miles to Peru, and still He loves me and everyone else there as well. And all the people that are in the surrounding countries, continents, the entire world.


He loves each one of us infinitely and perfectly, and there are so many people… That is so much love. It blew my mind. And with that thought, we are to love people as well. And how are we to love them? The goal is to love through His love, in agape. And what does that look like? That’s going to be a future post here…

The largest thing that frustrated me was that I didn’t know Spanish (which was my fault) , so I couldn’t directly talk with them. We had translators, and they were a HUGE blessing and I was so grateful for them, but when you talk with a kid it’s best if you can talk directly to them, having a middle man changes things. There were tears at the final goodbye, and maybe someday I’ll come back and have learned the language and will be able to talk with them.


The takeaways that I had by day two of the trip were:

-God’s love is huge, I had felt a part of it, and I wanted to share it.

-prayer is so so powerful and so underutilized.

-I take so much for granted. Pretty much everything. It makes one grateful.

-I am not to show partiality in anything I do or to anyone I interact with. This came from a devotional led by a teammate, and sparked a lot of thought. Anything I do I should be doing as to the Lord, whether the job is large or small, gets noticed and recognition or not, whether the person is rich or poor, friendly or intimidating. I am not the one who is supposed to judge. That’s God’s job. I’m just a hand.

Thus ends part 1 of the Peru adventure, more to come later.

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there was a girl 

Once upon a time, there was a girl who kind of didn’t like herself. She was very pale (therefore she could see almost all of her veins), very long limbed (and having long limbs while lacking coordination isn’t a great combination), her face was odd, her laugh and voice she thought were irritating, her nose had a bump at the bridge, she had a widows peak, and she thought differently and looked at things differently, and would say things that left people looking at her kind of oddly, which she was self conscious about. As she grew older though, she started to like all of those things; she grew into her limbs and liked her pale skin. The other things she sometimes didn’t like, until one day she had the thought that God had made her exactly how He thought she should be made, and He said it was good. He doesn’t made mistakes, and that quieted her heart and she became much more ok with all of her quirks. Saying that she didn’t like this or that part of herself was in essence telling God He messed up on her and that she didn’t like His artwork. 


So now she was ok with herself, but she had friends who didn’t like themselves. And this made her sad, because she could see their smiles and their individual hearts, and the way their eyes crinkled when they laughed and how their lip twitched and their eyes get sparkly when they’re about to make mischief. And they’re beautiful in many senses of the word. People are art. 

But often times people don’t like their own art and want to look like another piece. 

weekend wrap up

This is a new thing that I’m trying in an attempt to trick myself into blogging more regularly, 😉 because I’ll procrastinate on blogging, but when I actually sit down and start, I normally end up coming up with a whole bunch of posts, so I just have to make myself sit down and do it. #queenofprocrastination. Who knows if this will actually be interesting or not, I apologize if it bores you, but it’s breaking up my writers block, so hey. Better than nothing. 🙂

this week: My older brother came home on leave for a week! He’s in the army, stationed in Fort Carson, CO, so it’s always happy to have him back . When he got here I was working, so he and mom stopped by the bakery and surprised me. 🙂 That was a happy day. Always surprise people at work, it makes days 1000x’s better. I’ve also been getting tips at the bakery, and as someone who’s never had a job that tips, it’s a beautiful thing! Always tip people. That also makes days 1000x’s better. Apart from work, it was a pretty peaceful week, lots of time either at home or schlepping siblings all over the place. We have two football players playing for two different schools, 5 kids going to two different schools on three different days, plus Awana and church and my Peru prep and shopping… Lots of driving. But I really like driving, so it’s good. Two of my friends are leaving/have left for different states this week for various reasons, stargazing goodbye parties happened…I really really hate goodbyes. I’m grateful for technology, because we can all still stay in touch super easily, but not having the option of just being able to go see them whenever is sad.

 

goals and to do’s: 

  • start and finish packing for Peru
  • keep writing, in my notebooks and on here
  • get the couch moved out of my room
  • get meals cooked for the fam
  • write letters to people
  • going on a seattle adventure with an old friend!
  • go on runs with the sibs

a few favorites:

  • daily mixes on spotify! They now have a feature where they take what you listen to, sort it into genres, and mix your music with other songs that they think you’ll like.
  • The weather has been getting all fallish and moody, lots of late night and early morning rain, and the air is chilly now. Sitting in bed beneath warm blankets listening to the rain, in the dark , with cold air so you have to be all snuggled up, is one of my all time favorite things.

a few facts:

  • I color songs in my head, quite a few of my playlists are organized by what color I feel they fit… Idk if anyone else does that, but sometimes music and moods feel like colors to me.
  • turns out two of my siblings have the same personality type as me, and when they get depressed the best way to fix it is with lots of snuggles.
  • I have a really hard time watching violent movies, always have, but especially after massage school. #1. because I was made as an empathetic little person with a pretty great imagination, so I can almost physically feel the pain I’m “watching” (I know it’s fake, but that really doesn’t change much for me if I’m into the movie). It’s odd and Idk quite how to explain it… It’s like sympathy pain. #2. because massage school taught me so much about the body, it’s art and my job is to fix it, so when I’m watching it get “beat up” it’s painful. Like watching lovely architecture get broken down.

on repeat: ‘ophelia’ by the lumineers, it’s such a perfect fall song.. so happy yet also kind of melancholy, it’s murky purple and deep yellow to me. Working on getting a piano version made, and I got the ukulele chords going.

quote: To make living itself an art, that is the goal -Henry Miller. These words speak to me, make everything art, do it intentionally and to glorify God. It’s convicting and something I’m working on.

And that’s a bit of my life this week! that turned out a lot longer than I expected it to, and this was a quiet week… Huh. That’s happy 🙂 I hope you all have a lovely rest of your saturday. ❤

blessings,

me

upcoming adventures

I have exactly one week until I’m taking one of the largest adventures I’ve ever had.

In one week, at this time, I will be on a plane, on my first international trip, on my first missions trip,  heading to Cusco, Peru!

It all feels pretty surreal…I signed up for this in  February, not sure if I’d make the team or not, and then a few weeks later I got the call that I made the team if I was still interested! That was an exciting day, I walked around the house making disbelieving squeaking happy noises for a good hour or so until it sank in more. 🙂 Eight months later, lots of fundraising and prayers and times seeing God working…It’s almost here. I know this trip is going to be a huge learning experience and I’m super excited for that, it has been already in a lot of ways. We had to raise about $2,200 over the eight months of prep, and the church sending us didn’t want us to pay anything out of pocket if at all possible. So I prayed a lot, and nervously sent out support letters… And was amazed. So many many people started sending in support and sweet letters and prayers, all of the love that I received from people completely blew me away. There were a few times were the numbers weren’t quite as high as they should’ve been at that point, and I’d get nervous, and talk to God about it, and every. single. time. more support would come in a day or so later. So grateful and blessed and just amazed. Also prayers, it’s funny, but you can very definitely feel when people are praying for you and I’m so grateful for people taking their time to talk to God about this trip and myself.

This whole process has been very humbling so far.

About the trip! Myself and 11 other people are flying down to Cusco, Peru, and we’ll be there for 12 days. We’re helping out one of the missionary family the church supports, in whatever way they need help. So far we’re probably looking at a VBS, construction, working with kids… and who knows what else they have for us. It’ll be good.

I love seeing new things. I love Spanish, which is the prevalent language down there. I love working with people to get to know them. I love watching God work . I love working with people and seeing God work together. I’ve never been in a different culture like this and I’m excited. I’m not nervous at all so far, that normally doesn’t happen to me until I’m on the way to places, but I’m not expecting to be nervous as much as just excited.

I’ll let you guys all know how it goes once I get back, 🙂

blessings,

me

 

to ground

I hate falling.
From a cliff.
In my dreams.
At the fair.
Into sin.
To uncertainty.
I love feeling solid structure beneath me, whether a physical or emotional assurance. Grounded. Secure. Why I have such an abhorrence I’m not sure, maybe subconscious remembers reaching for a lying branch, falling far, waking up bruised and hanging by my knees who knows how much later. Or maybe it remembers the dirty feeling of falling morally, of missing the mark. That isn’t a bad fear, per se, I should strive to stay strong. It’s the fear that I have of myself (in a sense) that is wrong.
But such is life as a flawed being, falling (whether physically or otherwise) so what should I do with this fear?
I can either dwell in it, entangling myself until I’m a hyperventilating paralyzed mess, a rabbit with wide eyes afraid to move.
Or, I can find my grounding. I can sink my heels deep into my Savior and know that He’s got this. I can cling to His mane when the fears come running toward me, and know that His net is close below when I fall.
He walks with me and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own. There is no reason for me to replay these fears.