there was a girl 

Once upon a time, there was a girl who kind of didn’t like herself. She was very pale (therefore she could see almost all of her veins), very long limbed (and having long limbs while lacking coordination isn’t a great combination), her face was odd, her laugh and voice she thought were irritating, her nose had a bump at the bridge, she had a widows peak, and she thought differently and looked at things differently, and would say things that left people looking at her kind of oddly, which she was self conscious about. As she grew older though, she started to like all of those things; she grew into her limbs and liked her pale skin. The other things she sometimes didn’t like, until one day she had the thought that God had made her exactly how He thought she should be made, and He said it was good. He doesn’t made mistakes, and that quieted her heart and she became much more ok with all of her quirks. Saying that she didn’t like this or that part of herself was in essence telling God He messed up on her and that she didn’t like His artwork. 


So now she was ok with herself, but she had friends who didn’t like themselves. And this made her sad, because she could see their smiles and their individual hearts, and the way their eyes crinkled when they laughed and how their lip twitched and their eyes get sparkly when they’re about to make mischief. And they’re beautiful in many senses of the word. People are art. 

But often times people don’t like their own art and want to look like another piece. 

upcoming adventures

I have exactly one week until I’m taking one of the largest adventures I’ve ever had.

In one week, at this time, I will be on a plane, on my first international trip, on my first missions trip,  heading to Cusco, Peru!

It all feels pretty surreal…I signed up for this in  February, not sure if I’d make the team or not, and then a few weeks later I got the call that I made the team if I was still interested! That was an exciting day, I walked around the house making disbelieving squeaking happy noises for a good hour or so until it sank in more. 🙂 Eight months later, lots of fundraising and prayers and times seeing God working…It’s almost here. I know this trip is going to be a huge learning experience and I’m super excited for that, it has been already in a lot of ways. We had to raise about $2,200 over the eight months of prep, and the church sending us didn’t want us to pay anything out of pocket if at all possible. So I prayed a lot, and nervously sent out support letters… And was amazed. So many many people started sending in support and sweet letters and prayers, all of the love that I received from people completely blew me away. There were a few times were the numbers weren’t quite as high as they should’ve been at that point, and I’d get nervous, and talk to God about it, and every. single. time. more support would come in a day or so later. So grateful and blessed and just amazed. Also prayers, it’s funny, but you can very definitely feel when people are praying for you and I’m so grateful for people taking their time to talk to God about this trip and myself.

This whole process has been very humbling so far.

About the trip! Myself and 11 other people are flying down to Cusco, Peru, and we’ll be there for 12 days. We’re helping out one of the missionary family the church supports, in whatever way they need help. So far we’re probably looking at a VBS, construction, working with kids… and who knows what else they have for us. It’ll be good.

I love seeing new things. I love Spanish, which is the prevalent language down there. I love working with people to get to know them. I love watching God work . I love working with people and seeing God work together. I’ve never been in a different culture like this and I’m excited. I’m not nervous at all so far, that normally doesn’t happen to me until I’m on the way to places, but I’m not expecting to be nervous as much as just excited.

I’ll let you guys all know how it goes once I get back, 🙂

blessings,

me

 

almost endings and new roads

i have only 21 days until i’m in my last year of “teenagerhood”; 19.

It’s kind of scary in a way to me; I’ve always viewed 19 as that age in between childhood and formal adult-ish hood, and almost all of my friends have had something huge happen in their 19th year. I’m excited and apprehensive at the same time. On new years i sat in my room rereading journals from the past year, breathless to see 2016 and also terrified of entering this new year.  I love new adventures and doing new things, but I’m also scared of that first plunge to do so.

It’ll be good though. I’m excited for this year.

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Also, I’ve almost finished my first moleskine journal (journal/notebook #68), and have gotten a new one to start on my birthday. That is of no importance to you readers but is simply a little fact about yours truly. 🙂 I think by writing things down, so then the thoughts are tangible and I can analyze, look at, and interpret them. Plus it’s always lovely to look back at them and see all of the memories and previous thought processes.

Turning back to the title of this post, I drove new roads this month! I got to drive down to Cannon Beach, Oregon for the first time and visit some friends. Between the 3 1/2 hour drive (new roads that I’d never driven before!!), the ocean, meeting new people, visiting with old friends, seeing new places, and the ocean and sky and beautiful Oregon coffee… my soul was quite happy.

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My apologizes for the crummy picture quality; my ipod camera is blind and my DSLR is having issues at the moment.

 

blessings,

me

delayed apologies…

Dear friends,

I am so sorry for the abrupt break I’ve taken in my postings! My life just got too busy and I was having a hard time with my grades, school, work, family, and blogging, so blogging got dropped for awhile so I can function in these other places.  I don’t anticipate being able to write these Lent postings daily, but I’ll check in once a week at the very least.

Life has been great but busy this past week! I’ve been having great success in praying mindfully and giving up a bad habit, which feels good. I also feel quite more content, have gotten better at massage, can do yoga poses that I wasn’t able to before, or I’ve progressed in them, which is super happy for me. 🙂 I completely cleaned out my room (and got rid of THREE black garbage bags worth of stuff out of there!), went to Pike Place market (I’m planning a post on that), have read books, done homework, done a little bit of creative writing, and have had quite a few good talks with my family or friends.

I’m completely blown away with how many blessings  I’ve been given and resources I have available. So so thankful.

It’s been sinking in what’s happening in my life. I’ll (Lord willing) be a Licensed Massage Practitioner at age 19, working in a paid internship for one of the most knowledgeable LMP’s I know. Hopefully this week I’ll be getting a blog going for all of my massage happenings, I’ll keep all of you updated once I do.

Just filled with happiness and hope and gratefulness tonight.

Love,

me

 

silence

{Lent adventure day 6}

It’s a very full thing, silence is. It can hold so much.

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As a massage student, there is a lot of silence while I’m working, broken only by mine and my client’s breathing, and occasionally us checking in with each other.

Silence is the moment of shock when a loved one says it’s over, or asks you to join them on their life journey.

Silence is there staring at the stars while lying in a field next to your best friend.

Silence is on long car rides when you just want to think.

Silence is for contemplating, absorbing, building up, being numb. Analyzing, sneaking, meditating.

In a world full of continual auditory over-stimulation, silence is not often wanted. It is rare. But we need it. We need these pauses to recharge and connect with the important things. To know God and know ourselves, to hear these little voices. It holds on to important details, waiting for us to notice it and let it talk in it’s own non verbal way. The absence of sound that reveals much.

my moon

Tonight I stood outside in the dark and wind, freshly washed bare feet sinking into the grass. My moon was not there because the rain clouds still lingered, and so I said a prayer and decided that I have wind and water entwined very deeply somewhere in my soul. 

gratitude

Day 5 of Lent, and the word is Gratitude.

This is actually a favorite for me, as that is the word that I focused on the most last year. One way that I did so is by making a “Thankful Journal” where I’ve written down little things I’m grateful for, I’m currently at #480.

I’m grateful for…

Hymns. The smell of real leather. Doing new stretches. Sharp scissors. Tide pools. Salt water. Life hacks. Hollandaise sauce. Loyalty, hacky sack, and boundaries. Smiles from a stranger, courtesy waves, people to laugh with, and highlighters.

My piano, green tea in the morning, trials, suishi. Warm hugs, the smell of old books, mugs that fit just right in your hands, cupboards, soap bubbles, hand written letters, and barefoot walking. Learning new things, spending time with my wonderful mother, the feel of soap suds when I’m washing dishes. Freedom, hugs, singing in the car, cool wine glasses, the book of James, God’s timing, and quality poetry.

so so so many things to be grateful for. Reflect on these blessings.

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lent: the journey

This year I’ve decided I want to observe Lent. It technically started yesterday, but I’m joining in today. Better late than never. From what I understand, Lent is a time of denying yourself unnecessary indulgences and reconnecting with God through that time (correct me if I’m wrong, please. )

It’s 40 days long, from February 10 to March 27, and on Sundays you have Feast days, where your fasts are broken for the day, to start again on Monday.

What am I giving up and committing  to do this Lent?

  • I’m giving up checking my social media on my mobile device, and using that time for better things.
  • I’m going to pray mindfully instead of repeated words and phrases.
  • I’m giving up sugar and rich foods totally!
  • I’m also going to do a word/bible study. I don’t know what it is yet though, still praying about that.
  • I have a personal struggle that I’m giving up for these 40 days.
  • I’m also doing a word/photo challenge specifically for Lent, I’ll be posting and blogging about it here and I’ll be striving to be faithful in that.

Keep me accountable!

Today’s photo and word is Journey.

moment #1

•MOMENTS•
I sit perched on the cart container railings outside of world market, savoring dark chocolate with pieces of strawberries and Himalayan pink salt scattered throughout it. I have my shopping beside me, pretty new clothes to wear and a new notebook to fill with colors.
I have decided that this is going to be my year of love and the arts.

This year I’m going to learn how to water color. I’m going to learn how to make really good sourdough and kombucha. I’m going to improve my writing and learn as much as I can about massage and understanding how the body works. I’m going to appreciate the little things and love on my loved ones. Do small things with great love, that is my goal this year. I want to write out my beliefs and why I believe them, and then in ten years I’ll look back and see if and how they’ve changed.

January was a time of thinking up what I wanted to do this year, making my choices and getting rid of ones that I didn’t like. February is my time to make them real and begin them.

Mom and the kids roll up in the car, and my reverie ends.

storms

Rain

falls

down. 

It trickles through my hair

running fingers down my face

it joins forces with my tears. 

Thunder

claps

loud. 

I cry out in my anger 

yelling to the sky

it roars back and we battle. 

Lightning 

strikes

fast. 

And so does jealousy, heartache, fear.  Igniting my emotional triggers in a flash. 

Clouds

roll

away. 

and so does my grief

leaving me empty but

cleansed through the storm.