in this moment
i have currently done more work on this blog than I have in months.
i’m very thoroughly inspired right now.
sprawled onto our sinking carpet, fireplace dying down, i love embers so much. hozier is singing on my phone, i’ve consumed a lot of tea. i’ve laid down hopes that i had been holding for a while, and that’s freeing. i have a really hard time dropping hope. i’m good at hope. but sometimes you have to let hope die, and that’s what i hate. i want to hope, crave hope, hope is always there, so why shouldn’t i hold onto it?
but sometimes God shows me that this hope is too heavy for me right now, that it’s not something i should be carrying. it’s not for me.
and honestly, i struggle a bit.
i want to hope.
want to dream.
He knows better than I do. He knows what’s best, and i trust. Your will be done.
comparison is a killer.
sometimes i worry.
worry that my writing is not as profound, as weird, as inspiring, as raw, as deep, as truthful, as dark, as hopeful, as living, as clever, as someone else’s writing. i get intimidated.
i hate that i do, but i crave approval. i less hate that i crave being different, i crave to touch people. i want to write words that hit you in the heart and have an impact.
a verbal maul that will strike you, and plant a seed to grow, however it need to and in whichever direction it should.
the struggle emerges when i read other people’s writing, and start comparing my words to theirs. which is silly! everyone has their own voice, and i will be the first to say that that is a beautiful, wonderful thing, and that you should use your voice, no matter what others say or look like!
no one else has my voice, i don’t have anyone else’s voice.
i personally believe that all flowers are beautiful. and some flowers bloom slower than others. pretty much all of them are different, and all of them are so lovely in their own way. it’s ok to bloom later than others. it’s ok to bloom faster than other people.
take your time, grow how you need to grow.
perfection is overrated, let it go.
free your voice,
look at Him and speak.