But then, do I really want to be free?
Do I want to break away from this pet struggle of mine, to let the angel kill this lizard-demon that sits on my shoulder? Do I really want to give up what I hold onto, this control? Or should I say lack of control, for I truly do not control it. I abhor and despise it, but do I really? Do I really want to be free from it? I am ashamed to look my Savior in the eye at times, I return to this sin like a dog to vomit. Afraid to ask forgiveness again, for I don’t deserve it.
And yet, I don’t need to be afraid. None of us need to be. For He is faithful. Cliche words, but when the meaning sinks in you drown in the significance. He is everything and that is the only way it can be, for I am nothing. I can’t be anything without Him helping me. He is more, He is greater, He is patient, He is powerful, He is just, and He is also merciful. He is loving, and He is jealous. Why do I have these idols? They must go.
It doesn’t matter if I don’t feel like it, because feelings are temporary, and are not always the best things to act upon. Anything that takes my Lord’s place must go, I must surrender the demon-lizard to Him.
This Grace is an amazing thing.
among tall trees 