envy train

my nonbiological sister is doing well

looking well

smashing her goals

getting closer to her Savior

worshiping from her heart

dancing to glorify him

getting compliments

being praised

getting things i have wanted

being blessed….

and i feel my heart resenting it.

slithering ugly envy dragging its fingers through my heart

but i don’t have time for that.

because looking at her with a spirit of comparison,

is taking my eyes off of my savior.

of what His plans hold for ME

my time on this earth is the briefest breath

and i don’t have time to compare my life to hers

to want what she has

to be who she is

when there is a wonderful plan laid out for my life,

full of blessings and traits He has designed for me,

we’re on the same team, so why should i be tearing down my sister?

her victories do not mean my defeat,

her worth and growth does not negate my own

i do not have time for this envy game,

this tear down train,

this feeling of shame that i’m not all that she is, listening to lies that i have to be able to measure up to the standard she’s been given in order to be loved and different,

no.

when i see my sister doing well, living well, crushing her goals, walking closely with her Savior,

i will cheer for her, cry with her, walk with her, admire her, praise with her,

but i will not be bitter. i will not resent her over the petty stupid facts that i do not

look like her,

walk like her,

get attention like her,

worship like her

speak like her.

because i’m not made to be her.

i will not take my eyes from my savior and His plan for me to spend it in envy over what He is doing in one of His other beautiful creations.

i will not side-eye my sibling to see if she’s “ahead” of me, i will link my arm with hers and help her walk to the best of my ability to Him and His glory,

whether she knows about it or not.

roles

you are

a

leader.

red opinions and bold voice

classy lines, smirk, stiletto heels.

standing behind your beliefs unflinching and unapologetic, bringing your arguments and convincing, bold and beautiful, getting things done. completely capital.

passionate, abounding, paving new ways and being that voice, structure and day planners and math homework.

laughing with family, always having those words to say to others, deep eyes.

precise measurements, a glorious sunset that turns the sky red, bonfires raging, neon lights and lipstick stains.

and i admire you.

and

i

am

a healer.

green and feet down grounded

soft light eyes that see you and your emotions, helping you untangle the threads of what you’re feeling. strong arms, gentle hands, crying hugs, smoothing those physical and emotional knots with honesty and sensitive fingers.

i am

bare feet, watching a purple sunset from a tree, drinking tea on the counter, running through the woods, very mixed up playlists.

most comfortable when i’m around emotion, i don’t have enough words. quietly watching, yet ebullient, little bit of a paradox, huge fuzzy blankets and journals everywhere.

scattering ingredients for anything all over the place, but it connects back in the end because there’s a method to my madness and an order to my chaos, and i throw my pens and paper and paint and salt and flour and other components all over the place to make art while i make art.

i am flow of consciousness poetry and puns and open mouthed laughs, you are wit and argument and raised eyebrow sass.

i am citrus and cinnamon smells and pink words, and you are crimson and leather and pepper.

and you, intrigue me.

i’m glad we’re both on this earth with our differences.

My Twin

My bestie was born today, a whole bunch of years ago that she prolly wouldn’t appreciate me sharing, so you’re going to have to wonder how old she really is for ever and ever. Mwahaha. But the number is not what this is about, it’s about the person.

She’s the Jorge to my Zorrina Rodriga Gabriella Gichino. She’s the alpaca to my Deer. The old soul to my child’s heart. The planner to my random. The vintage elegance to my homeless chic. 😉 The Grace to my Gracie. She’s the friend who I’ve probably gone through the most life stuff with, cried with, stayed up waaaaaaaay too late with, gone on adventures with, sat on the kitchen floor spinning plastic cups with late at night, cooked with, stressed with, laughed with, sang with, driven all over the place with, made inside jokes with, and I could go on and on.

What do I love about her?

1. Her smile! And her laugh! It makes me so happy. And the fact that she’s so ridiculously photogenic… Not even funny. And her hairrr… To die for.

 

 

2. Her love of beauty. I love listening to her viewpoints on beautiful things, because she notices different things than I do, so it’s really cool to hear the different perspective. ❤

3. Her responsibility and attention to detail. Honestly, she’s one of the most responsible people I’ve ever known, and she’s really good at doing the right thing even when it’s the hard thing, and it’s inspiring. She’s also great at noticing and remembering all the little details that I forget are even there, and takes care of them fabulously.

4. She makes yummy food! So. Freaking. Yummy. Although lately she’s been doing this thing called Make Super Yummy Things When Gracie Is Not Around, and posts pictures of them, and I just sit and drool in my sugar deprived little cave and try to figure out just how fast could I drive over.

5. Her sense of adventure/adrenaline junkie. She likes roller coasters! And driving! And playing volleyball! And roadtrips! And surprising me at work! And tickling me to make me squeak! And she still loves me even  after I accidentally slam my forearm into her face…

6. Her love for her family/friends.

She has one of the coolest relationships with her family that I know of, and she’s veeeerrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy protective of all of her people. She goes out of her way to help/show love to them, and it’s really beautiful.

7. Her loyalty.

8. Her listening ears. She’s always listened to me whenever I’m stressed or needed to rant or just talk things over, and even if she has no idea what to say back to me, or has no idea what I’m talking about, she still always manages to make me feel heard and find some sort of really great advice to give.

9. Her hard working heart. This woman is a machine. I don’t know many other people who work for as hard as she works for as long as she works. She gets stuff done in an efficient and beautiful way. And we normally have fun while we’re working, which is also great. 🙂

10. Her love for old things and crazy hats.

11. Sometimes she doesn’t like my ideas but she goes along with them anyways, and  it normally ends up being hilarious and we get good laughs out of it.

12.She shares her niece! So, a few years ago we decided that we were twins, and actually convinced people of the fact, and then she had a niece! and that niece is the cutest doll ever. And because we’re twins, that makes her niece my niece-ish. So she’s the official aunt and I’m the Auntish. It’s great.

Annual CAMA camp selfies…

 

Fun fact, I used to be terrified of her when I was little because there’s a couple years age gap between us and so she was one of the “big kids” while I was a “little kid”, but then we both grew up a bit more, and I learned that she was actually really cool.

I could go on and on about all the things I love about her, but I’m going to stop here….

Happiest of birthdays my sweet friend! I’m grateful for your existence and for your friendship, here’s to all the future adventures! 😀 Love you lots and lots. ❤

 

more new roads

Two weeks ago, we sat in a movie theater parking lot at 2 in the morning and threw out an idea for a road trip. Two weeks later, we made this wonderful idea happen. We traveled from Marysville, WA all the way down to Crater Lake, Oregon.This was the first road trip we had ever all taken together, out of state, and without the rest of our families. Such excitement.

We crossed bridges, looked at fog, doodled on paper and skin, got coffee and looked at art shops, got soaking wet on a foggy beach.

We found jellyfish drying on the beach (i refrained from touching the mesmerizing globs),I skipped and ran around because the ocean is a beautiful thing and i’m young and alive and for once didn’t get that cold, and a friend adventured with me and made sure I didn’t accidentally die or get swept away.The others held the valuables and got drenched and laughed and wrote in the sand and we walked the wrong way up a stream and jumped over the waves. We wrung salt water out of our socks and poured coffee onto our faces instead of our mouths because the cold numbed our face and hands.

We snuggled up in blankets and drove to the sunshine, booping noses (that kept on happening through the whole two days), taking turns napping and exploring each others music tastes.

We pitched our camp and looked at views off the side of the road (and a llama in a parking lot. I wanted to pet it, but alas, not that day.) Inside jokes were formed, we explored crater lake in the dark (couldn’t see the view, but we could feel it), took personality tests and discussed those, laughed at weirdly named streets, and made a campfire. Later we went out to the stars and there were so. many. My mind was blown a little bit, and we were all giddy and overwhelmed. Stargazing is funny; one moment everyone is completely serious and talking about life and struggles and God and eternity and physics, and the next everyone is madly giggling and mispronouncing words or sleeping.

The next morning was lazy, a yummy breakfast, I journaled, we talked over shared teabags and coffee and looked at the wasps that had found us and a friendly chipmunk.

After the food, we packed up and drove to Crater Lake, and this time there was light so we could see the view, and it was so lovely. I love that God is an artist and also lets us see His work.

Funky colored lichens… 🙂

After thoroughly touring the lake, we drove home. A long ride, but those are my favorites. I’ve always gotten a little sad whenever we reach destinations, because there’s something special about sitting in a metal wheeled box with people for hours at a time, exploring new (or familiar) places and sights and foods and other sensory things. I’d try to describe the ride home more, but it was giggles and sneaking pictures and naps and heads out the window and tickle wars (which resulted in squeaking) and shoulder rubs and listening to new music (I heard Bohemian Rhapsody for the first time) and jeep-beeping, and thinking about it all my heart gets full. Saying goodbye and dropping everyone off was hard, but I’m grateful to have people so great that make good byes so sad.

Photo credit to who it’s due, and I’m not exactly sure who’s is who’s.